I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
