Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
