Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
