I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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