what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
