I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
