your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I believe in your delicious
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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