It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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