I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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