you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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