so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the day after is always just damage control
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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