we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
