One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
