Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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