she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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