i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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