Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
