I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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