Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
