We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
