i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
