There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
