someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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