Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
