Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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