whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize