You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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