we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
