It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
