He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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