Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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