We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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