you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
