Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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