The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
