I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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