Just cropdusted the office
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
