when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
