Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
