I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
