I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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