We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
