So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
