well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
either way he was missing a nipple.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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