I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
