11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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