That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
