I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
