based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
