Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
