I want to have your abortion
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
