I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
