put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
