Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
