dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
