her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
