Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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