I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
