I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
