I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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