Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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