they need to just BURY HIM!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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