So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
