totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
