Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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