Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
