So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
