I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
