she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
